My Retroactive To-Do List

I did not know that a person could - as Mitt Romney did when he "retroactively" retired as Bain Capital's CEO - revise his/her personal history.

This changes everything. You see, I have some personal history of my own that I would like to revise.

Or this could change everything. Or maybe it already has. 

Hmm. As it turns out, I did indeed return those overdue library books on the due date! And I did move my car before the parking meter ran out at 4:57 p.m. on April 17! Some folks - you know who you are - can stop waiting for me to send you overdue fees and parking fines. 

And look here! I paid off my 30-year home loan in only 12 years! 

School loan? What school loan? I didn't take out a school loan!  

I am going to have to close here. It seems there is a Nobel prize of some sort waiting for me to claim ...