The Let-Them-Eat-Cake Budget

What is with all of the sturm and drang over Paul Ryan’s budget? It offers serious proposals that deserve serious consideration. For example: 
  • Infrastructure: Yes, I know some people are worried about our “crumbling” infrastructure. These people will cite a list of specific roads and bridges, etc. that need immediate repair. But Ryan is right to suggest that the federal government need not spend money on repairs. It can simply maintain a website that lists roads and bridges to avoid, along with a statement that by using said roads and bridges, travelers waive all rights to hold government entities accountable for any bodily harm incurred during usage.
  • EPA: So what if it’s gutted? So what if oil refineries pollute the air? I have two words for you: Face masks. You’re worried about water? While I have not verified this, I just bet those face masks would make fine water filters.
  • Health Care: You want a health care program? Okay. I have a program many times cheaper than the current health care plan. I call mine the “An Apple A Day …” Plan. My plan calls for government bureaucrats whose jobs have been eliminated to be rehired (sans benefits and unions); they hand out apples to card-carrying, hard-working, tax-paying U.S. citizens. One per person per day. Unless you’re a job creator.
  • Medicare: No, you won’t continue to have access to the level of care you would otherwise enjoy. Instead, you will get a voucher with which to purchase up to $8000 of insurance. No, there is no reason to expect that any private insurer would offer you a policy. And no, the $8000 probably would not cover even the premiums, let alone your corn pads. But maybe the powers-that-be could be persuaded to substitute an $8000 travel voucher for the insurance voucher - then you could buy a plane ticket to a country* where you can get health care.** Bon Voyage! 

*You weren’t thinking of driving or boarding a train, were you?
**It would also buy approximately 22 bottles of the $350-per-bottle of wine that Paul Ryan was recently caught sipping.